How to Support Someone Who Self-Harms

Here’s how you can support someone who might be struggling with self-harm.

Today, March 1st, is self injury awareness day so I thought I’d share a couple of thoughts on how to go a step beyond just awareness, and actually show up for the folks in your life who might be struggling.

It’s done in video format but also written below so you can read along/instead if you’d prefer!

Ok; let’s get into it.

1. Don’t be mad

This is hopefully an obvious one, but just a reminder that getting mad or angry at someone because they’re struggling to cope isn’t a helpful reaction. Even if it comes from a place of concern for their well-being.

Chances are, the person who’s self-harming already assumes that you don’t approve of the behaviour, and may well have even given themselves a hard time. So there’s legit not really any reason to be actively angry at them.

And doubly so because an angry reaction could lead to them not feeling able to share openly with you in the future.

So instead of being mad, try to:

2. Approach it with concern, but also with curiosity and kindness.

Like, absolutely be concerned for their welfare, but I think responding with a “it’s hard for me to see you struggling with this. And even though I don’t love the behaviour, I love you. And we’ll get through this together” is gonna be better than getting mad, or laying on the guilt trip of like “don’t you see what this is doing to me.. or.. anyone else for that matter”

And that line of “we’ll get through this together” is super powerful. This is their recovery, but it can be a collaborative effort.

3. Remember that we all have unhealthy coping mechanisms

We’ve all got things that we know aren’t exactly the best for us, but we still go back to them.

And self-harm is pretty much the same sort of deal.It can be hard to get out of the cycle of feeling bad, trying something to help manage that feeling, it making you feel worse, so trying to manage that feeling.

So if you’re struggling to understand why someone might do something like this, remember that lots of us have coping mechanisms to manage difficult situations and emotions. And not all of those coping mechanisms are gonna be good for us.

But also keep in mind that:

4. It’s serving SOME sort of purpose.

Maybe it’s acting as a release for feelings of anger or frustration – that’s what it was for me. Or maybe it’s a form of expression; a representation of the emotional pain that they’re currently experiencing. The challenge is that everyone’s experience with self-harm is different, and so the purpose that it’s serving is gonna be different for everyone.

And then the real secret sauce is:

5. Help them find things that are gonna serve the same purpose.

Because whatever self-harm is doing for them, it’s gonna be possible to get that through something more positive And that’s where Heads Above The Waves comes in.

We’re all about sharing ideas and inspiration of stuff that might help, so make sure you’re hitting the follow button.

But if you go to hatw.co.uk, and hit ‘things to try’ you can choose how you’re feeling from a drop down menu, and find a bunch of stuff that’s worked for other people in the past. So it’s worth giving it a go, and sharing with someone who might be struggling right now.

And one final thing to leave you with:

We’ve got a bunch of these booklets for coping with self-harm which act as a kinda work book and information piece all in one. They’re free, and they’re ideal for going through with someone who might be struggling right now.

And they’re about to be available in Welsh as well, so, drop us a message if you’re working with folks who self-harm, and you’d like a copy, or several copies. We wanna get these into as many hands as possible!

This has turned out to be super long. Sorry not sorry. But I hope this’ll stay up as a helpful post if someone’s looking for the best way to support someone.

If you found this helpful

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