I always dreaded getting older. Grey hairs, creaking joints and all the other things that come with age.

This year I hit a scary milestone. I turned 30. But as it all happened I realised something. I hit a milestone.

There was once a point in my life when I never thought I would make it this far. Each year passed and I was amazed I had made it to the next one. I’d surprised myself that I’d overpowered everything and made it as far as I had. Everyone keeps telling me that 30 isn’t old, or that I’ve got a long way to go yet. I never believed them. I even got a tattoo of a walking stick saying “Old Man” to really get my feelings across.

Other than my family and some bosses, I am the oldest person I know. I always had this plan in my head. Married, family, home, all by this age. I can tell you now, none of that has happened yet. There are days that go by where I feel like I have failed. None of the ideas in my head have panned out and I’m not where I thought I would be. The choices I’ve made make me feel like the teenage me would be horribly disappointed with what I’ve become. I have a real job where I have to wear a uniform. I live in a little flat. I don’t have the millions of pounds I wished I’d have by being a world famous rock star. The fact that I can’t play an instrument and have very little musical talent does have something to do with that, but thats not the point.

This year, when the clock ticked midnight, I said goodbye to my twenties, my teens, and all ages before that and said a big hello to my thirties. It was a scary moment, but what made it easier was not the life I’d wished to create, but the one I had created instead.

I’ve been through what felt like hell in the years before. I have lost people I love. I have fought with myself over severe depression. I have also hurt myself physically and left myself scarred because of it. I always thought that they were my only choices.

I was wrong.

Life gets better. I don’t want to sound like I have all the answers because I really don’t. I just found something I enjoyed and I threw myself into it. I rediscovered music and photography and film making. It was a fantastic experience that I had left behind. I have been involved in some brilliant things that have taken me around the country. I’ve met some of my favourite bands and been part of some great live shows and video shoots. I am proud of the work I have done and I have some exciting plans for more things in the future. A future I never thought possible. I get to be creative, imaginative, expressive and excited by all the things I have done. I can look back on my past and be proud of where I have come from and what I have created from a very negative time in my life. I have created something that will outlive me. I have left a legacy of my creativity and passions for people the world over to see and experience in the same way that I did. And through all of those passions I discovered something more important. I found friends. I found people who cared about me. People who thought like me and acted like me. Yes I am 30 (and old) but I am the happiest and strongest I have ever been.

The sadness doesn’t go away, but now I am surrounded by some of the best people in the world and I have someone to turn to no matter what. I never thought this was possible. Just like me being 30. But like before, I was wrong. Things can and did get better. It took me a long time to think and see that but I gave it a chance to prove me wrong. And I am glad that I did.

Being an old timer isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Only ten years till I’m 40 now. And I cant wait.

– Gav