Over the summer of 2013, I went through a pretty messy break up, that wasn’t exactly easy on either party. It was a moment of weakness for me, as I fell back into a pattern of self-harming.

I’m telling you this, not for sympathy, nor as some sort of public laundry airing, but to let you know that I appreciate how hard it can be, and how easy it is to fall back into old, self destructive patterns.

But I caught myself doing it, and knew there was a better way of dealing with it. By way of practising what I’m preaching, I lost myself in music again. Finding new music, new bands who I could connect with through a speaker. I found the band Real Friends, with an EP that was talking about dealing with breakups. These guys GOT what I was going through. Except there’s one slower song on the EP, which always seemed to remind me of everything that went on over the summer, and just served to make me sad whenever I listened to it. So I’d skip it, and just get back to playing air drums and jumping around my room to the rest of the songs on that CD. Every now and then it’d pop up on shuffle, but I’d just skip it before it could get going, and get me down about the past. But why was that one song still getting me het up about stuff that I should be over by now?

Well this last week, Real Friends supported The Wonder Years in Cardiff (it was kind of the best thing ever for a pop punk kid like me. Check out our video interview with them from the gig!

Sure enough, they played that slow, sad song. “Oh boy, here we go…” I muttered to myself, expecting to just get bummed out, and not enjoy the rest of the show.

But then something happened.

I was stood with some of my favourite people around me, arms round each other’s shoulders, with a couple hundred other people doing the same, all singing this song at the top of our lungs, and it made me HAPPY.

The next day, the song came on on shuffle, and rather than being filled with dread and sadness after the first few bars of intro, I smiled. It made me happy, and I started singing along. Rather than being reminded of a low point, I was reminded of a highlight. Of a time when I was happy, and with people I care about. I now can’t stop listening to it, and thinking back to that gig, and being happy with people I love.

Ok, this might be a slightly frivolous comparison to make to some pretty horrific situations that may have led you to a point where you’re self-harming. But the fact remains, that by getting out there, and exposing yourself to something that has led you to this place and facing it head on, you can break the negative thought pattern surrounding it. You CAN attribute better memories and thoughts to places, songs, situations, triggers, that always bum you out. Sometimes it’s incredibly hard, but it’s possible.

This morning, I found another example of getting a fresh perspective, walking to work. I walk the same route every single day, at about the same time every day, and everything very much stays the same. I’m stuck in a rut. But then, today, I left earlier than usual. I got up and walked to work before the sun even rose. It started breaking through the morning mist as I was halfway there. I’m not usually one to get all gooey eyed about nature. But this morning just looked COOL. I realised all the little details that I usually miss, as I solemnly trudge to work with my head down.

And I wondered what else in my life I was missing out on by just being stuck in a routine that was making me miserable. The sun breaking through the mist in the park (a park that once featured in an angsty song I wrote) was something of a wake up call. It made me stop for a second, and take in the fact that in that still moment, things weren’t THAT bad. Again, that’s not an easy thing to do. That’s something that I’ve had to learn to do over time, and I hope that you, reading this, are able to do that. I hope you’re able to stop for a second, and look at things a little differently. Pick out something GOOD and beautiful about your life right now, in one still moment. Just one slight change in perspective about one thing, can end up changing your whole outlook on everything else.

I know it’s not easy. I won’t pretend that it is. But is it worthwhile? Every time.

The Real Friends song was ‘I’ve Given Up On You’, in case you were wondering.

– Si