You Deserve Help (Even If Your Brain Tries to Tell You Otherwise)

Let’s get one thing out in the open straight away: feeling like you don’t deserve help is way more common than you’d think. Especially if you’re already feeling burnt out, stuck in a spiral, or like the worst version of yourself. That feeling of not being worthy of love or support? It’s a lie your brain’s telling you — and we’re about to unpick it.

This one’s backed by science and by people all over the internet (finally! Spending so much time on Reddit proved helpful!) who’ve said the same thing you might be thinking. So if you’re feeling too broken, or too messy, or just too much to deserve help, this is for you.

But before we get into it:

I’ve explored a few typical causes of why folks feel like they don’t deserve help – and shared a few ideas of bits that might help. But a couple of really key points before we get into it. I see you. I feel you; a big part of my journey has been feeling like I’m not worthy of love (and if I’m honest; I’m still working on fully believing that). But also: (and you’ll probably roll your eyes at this) you really are deserving of help. If it’s a big deal to you – especially to the point where it’s leading you down a path of self-harm – then it’s absolutely worth doing something about. And you absolutely are worthy of love, support, and respect.

Your Brain Has a Negativity Bias – But That Doesn’t Mean It’s Right

Our brains are literally wired to focus on the negative. Psychologists call it the “negativity bias” – it’s our brain’s way of keeping us safe from danger. Great for surviving sabre-toothed tigers. Not so great when you’re trying to believe someone might actually care about you.

Research shows that when we’re depressed, anxious, or traumatised, our brains tend to filter the world through a really harsh lens — one that makes us believe things like “I’m a burden” or “Everyone would be better off without me.” But those aren’t facts. They’re symptoms.

If that’s you, then you could try:

Try keeping a record of your thoughts (bonus points for physically writing it with pen & paper, but your Notes app works too!), and for each negative one, challenge it like a defence lawyer: “What’s the evidence for and against this thought?” Over time, it helps train your brain to be less of a bully.

Or something else I tried a few years ago was the 100 Happy Days challenge – to rewire your brain to go looking for the positives, even on days when it feels like ✨everything is awful✨. The idea is sharing a picture every day of something that made you happy that day. And over time, I learned to actually find those positives, and start believing in myself, and that I just might be worthy of love.

You’ve Internalised Other People’s Rubbish (And That’s Not Yours to Carry)

A lot of people who feel unworthy have gone through things that made them feel that way — bullying, neglect, rejection, or even just constantly being the ‘strong one’ who never asks for help. Over time, that stuff builds up. And if no one told you that you mattered back then, you start to believe you don’t.

So let’s be super clear here: someone else’s failure to show you love doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. It means they dropped the ball — not that you’re not worth the effort.

If that’s you, you could try: 

Try writing a letter to yourself from the perspective of someone who does love you (this could be a best friend or a future version of you). What would they say to remind you of your worth? I also really enjoyed that TikTok trend of sharing pictures of you as a kid, and saying like “every time you’re mean to yourself, this is who you’re being mean to”.

Or try this quick journal prompt: “What would I tell a friend who felt this way?”

You Don’t Need to Hit Rock Bottom to Deserve Support

This one’s big. A lot of people hold off getting help because they don’t think they’re “bad enough” yet. Like there’s some imaginary threshold of suffering you’ve got to cross before you’re allowed to ask for support. But the truth is: you don’t need to be in crisis to be worthy of care.

One TikTok user said it perfectly: “Just because someone else is drowning doesn’t mean you have to wait until you’re fully underwater before reaching out.”

If you’re struggling – whatever that looks like to you – that’s valid. And it’s not a case of comparing yourself to someone else’s situation. Someone else

If that’s you, you could try: 

Think of your mental health like physical health. You wouldn’t wait until your arm was falling off before seeing a doctor — you’d go at the first sign of pain (or.. you *should* go..). Treat your mental health the same way. It’s valid to ask for support even if you think others “have it worse.”, because their journey isn’t the same as yours.

A Final Thought:

If you’ve been thinking that you don’t deserve help, love, or support — I just want to gently remind you that thoughts aren’t facts.

You don’t have to hit rock bottom to deserve help. You don’t need to be perfect to be loved. And you don’t need to be anyone else but yourself to start making changes that move you forward.

If you’ve been like.. waiting for permission to reach out for help, this is me giving you permission to seek the help that you absolutely deserve, and are worthy of.

If You Found This Helpful:

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