I Am Not A Fashion Statement. I Am Me.

We stumbled across a post on Facebook the other day that said that Loose Women (the tv show) had said some pretty controversial things about self-harm, eating disorders and being transgender. Basically, the ill-informed stars of the show dismissed these serious issues as something young people were doing to be “fashionable” and fit in, and that they weren’t problems to be taken seriously.

One lady even expressed her disgust at the amount of young transgender people coming out and seeking help, even saying of a trans male she knew “”It would be bad enough if your child eventually had to get a mastectomy for health reasons, but just to look like a boy?” They also said that self harm had been the “in-thing” in schools in previous years.

The comments made by the presenters left us in shock that these national celebrities on such a massive platform would be putting these thoughts and opinions out into the public without realising the damage they were doing. The disgust and misunderstanding with which they spoke about these issues was also shocking and goes against everything HATW and many, many other organisations are trying to stand for. Educating yourself on matters that deal with people’s mental health should have as much sensitivity and importance as when discussing someone’s physical health. In our eyes they are one and the same. And considering these programmes are watched by peoples parents, wider family and carers – the very people that a young person struggling may be plucking up the courage to talk to- will be receiving all the wrong info on how to help and how to view these issues.

For the record, self-harm, eating disorders and trans issues have nothing to do with fashion or someone making a statement. The fact that 1 in 9 young people have or are experiencing self harm isn’t necessarily down to it being popular- but more that there is greater awareness and shows more people are feeling comfortable asking for help/ getting support, and talking about it than before. The fact there is never enough support out there is another issue entirely, but dismissing these things that young people are facing and struggling with as a trend is insulting and damaging.

A lot of people in conversation say to us that self-harm can often lead to copycat behaviours in school year groups or in friendship groups, but we try and explain that even if it was someone copying someone else, then there would be some serious underlying issues there that needed attention in their own right, to have such a serious reaction. Whatever is going on, every individual dealing with self-harm is coping with overwhelming emotions or pain that they cannot see another way to express. Lumping it all together as people mimicking each other’s behaviour is unhelpful at best and does a disservice to what people may be going through individually.

Instead of reacting with horror and ignorance (like the people on Loose Women) here are a few tips we suggest if someone tells you they are self harming.

Stay Calm: Don’t assume anything and try not to get angry. This has taken a lot of bravery to speak to you and the person confiding may be very nervous.Don’t ask if they are copying someone, don’t tell them it’s just a phase or they’re just trying to fit in with the crowd. Let them speak without interruption and try not to judge them. This can be a difficult first step for them, and it can also be difficult for you to hear so take a deep breath, stay relaxed and keep an open mind.

Reassure the Person: Let them know you are glad they spoke to you, don’t ask to see the injuries, but DO ask how you can help them. Tell them they aren’t in trouble, and that they aren’t a bad person for self-harming. Explain that you understand that they just aren’t coping so well right now. Tell them that although a lot of people go through this, you are there for them and are taking what they say seriously and that you want to help them.

Encourage Them to Seek Support: If you are caught off guard tell them you will speak with them again soon with some ideas of places to get support from, or alternatively have a google of some helplines, or local support like group meetings or counselling. The HATW website (www.hatw.co.uk) has a good list of resources and suggestions you can utilise too. Don’t push anyone into doing anything they don’t want to, but explain that getting some extra support may be really beneficial to them.

Keep in Touch With Them: Once they’ve spoken to you, don’t feel you CAN’T let them out of your sight or that you need to be with them round the clock to protect them. Do try and speak to them regularly to see how they are. Even just dropping them a text to let them know you’re thinking of them and are there for them, or just asking how they are will make them feel cared for and show you are supporting them through the next stages of getting some help.

Here’s a few helpline numbers that you can offer to someone struggling, or even you can call if you’re worried about someone or if supporting someone takes it’s toll on you.

Get Connected: 0808 808 4994

ChildLine: 0800 1111

Samaritans: 116 123

Most importantly, keep talking about mental health and the wide variety of issues it covers. It’s so important to keep breaking down barriers and smashing stereotypes and stigma. Everyone is different, one size does not fit all, and mental health problems are not a fashion statement. Just be respectful and cool to each other, and take care.