How to stop comparing yourself

Comparison is the thief of joy. You might’ve heard that before. If you’ve ever scrolled through social media feeling like everyone else has it better, or felt like you’re falling behind while your mates are smashing their life goals, you’re definitely not alone. But here’s the good news: you can get your joy back. The key isn’t just to avoid comparison (cuz let’s face it; we’re all gonna end up doing it at *some* point), but to build yourself up, so that comparisons don’t hit so hard. Because when we’re feeling more secure in ourselves, we can handle comparisons in a slightly healthier way.

Here’s some practical ways to do that!

Celebrate Your Own Progress

It’s easy to overlook how far you’ve come because you’re busy checking out everyone else’s highlight reels. (“They’re out taking over the world, but I’m still taking baby steps” is something I find myself feeling a lot..) But remember: your journey is uniquely yours. Everyone’s moving at a different pace, and that’s totally fine. Appreciating your personal wins (no matter how small they seem) reminds you of your strengths and progress. Because a win for you, is a 👏 win 👏 for 👏 YOU. It doesn’t matter how it looks to others.

Try this:
Make a list of things you’ve accomplished, improved on, or even just survived recently. They don’t have to be huge life changing things! Just physically write down the stuff that you’re proud of. And then look at that whenever you’re feeling the weight of comparison.

And while we’re on it: celebrate your wins as you go. When you do something that’s brought you some joy, or made you feel good about yourself, take a moment to celebrate it! And again, there’s no set way to celebrate it. It could be just doing a happy little dance. It could be calling someone you love to share the news. It could be treating yo’self to that new bit of HATW merch you’ve been eyeing up 👀 (but it doesn’t have to cost money!)

Practice Genuine Gratitude

Ok ok ok. Gratitude gets brought up a lot around here (and in mental health spaces in general). But gratitude is so more than just a buzzword. It’s scientifically proven to boost happiness and reduce feelings of envy. When you focus on what’s going well for yourself, you’re training your brain to notice and appreciate the good stuff you have going on. And that takes away a lot of the power that comparison has.

Try this:
Write down three specific things you’re grateful for every day. It might be your morning coffee, a great song, or a chat with a friend. Doing this *every* day helps shift your mindset toward positivity and contentment, so you’re less tempted to go looking at how others are doing.

Do Things That Bring You Actual Joy

When you fill your life with the activities, people and experiences that genuinely make you happy, you’ll naturally feel more satisfied and less prone to unhealthy comparison. It’s about consciously putting your energy into the things that lift you up and make you feel good.

And a side note here: depression is a real dick. It makes it that much harder to feel joy. Or leaves you struggling to find joy in the things you once did. If you’re experiencing this, it’s okay. It’s valid. But it’s about finding the tiny glimmers of happiness, even in the smallest places.

Try this:Make a “joy list”—the stuff you love doing. That could be books you get loads out of, or playing an online game with your pals. Maybe it’s TV shows that always make you laugh, or songs that always put a pep in your step. Then actually make time to do them in your week.

Build Your Confidence Through Small Steps

Confidence & self-esteem don’t magically appear overnight. It’s something that grows bit by bit, every time you push slightly out of your comfort zone or learn something new. (and bonus: every time you push yourself outside of your comfort zone, your comfort zone grows a bit bigger!) A strong sense of self-worth helps buffer against the sting of comparison because you feel secure in who you are.

Try this:
Set small, manageable challenges or goals that excite you. Each time you tick something off— again, even the things that may seem small—you reinforce a sense of capability and worthiness. Celebrate your victories (big or small) to keep that confidence growing.

Create Supportive Connections

Humans thrive on connection and belonging. (I spoke about that in a recent video!) Having supportive people around you not only makes life richer but also gives you some much needed perspective. When comparison creeps in, having friends who remind you of your strengths and worth can be so dang powerful.

Try this:
Reach out to someone you trust and talk about these feelings. Chances are, they’ve felt the same way. Realizing you’re not alone can help you feel more grounded, valued, and secure. (And remember, even when you feel like you have no-one to talk to, there are always helplines available)

A Final Thought:

Comparison might be a very human thing to do, but it doesn’t have to rule your life. By focusing on your own journey, regularly celebrating your wins, and intentionally doing things to bring you as much joy as possible, you build up resilience against the negative effects of comparison. And just so it’s been said: your worth isn’t measured against someone else’s achievements. You are enough just as you are, and your journey is entirely your own.

If You Found This Helpful:

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