Dealing with Overwhelming Emotions

Sometimes emotions feel like too much. Too intense, too messy, too painful to deal with. When everything feels overwhelming, it’s natural to want some kind of relief—anything to take the edge off. And for some people, that’s where self-harm comes in.

If you’re feeling that way, first things first: you’re not broken. You’re not alone. And there are ways to cope that won’t leave you feeling worse afterward.

So let’s talk about what might be going on in your head and body when emotions feel out of control—and what you can do about it.

A note before we begin:

It’s super normal to want to totally block out emotions & feelings. But our goal with all of this isn’t to stop those difficult emotions altogether. If anything, we need to learn to be more comfortable with the uncomfortable feelings. All of these ideas are here to help you process and get through the difficult feelings. Because feelings and emotions come and go in waves. It’s all about learning to keep your head above those waves (IFYASEEWHATIDIDTHERE). 

Your Brain in Overload Mode

When emotions get overwhelming, your brain goes into survival mode. It kinda feels like an alarm system blaring, telling you that something is wrong. You might feel:

• Completely numb, like nothing is real.
• Like you’re drowning in sadness or overwhelmed with anger.
• Restless, agitated, or like you need to do something to make it stop.

And honestly, it can feel pretty exhausting. Whether self-harm has been a way that you’ve tried to deal with these emotions or not, something that might help when you start to feel that way is:

Grounding techniques

When your emotions are running high, grounding techniques can bring you back to the present. Research shows that cold exposure (like holding ice or splashing cold water) can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, helping reduce emotional distress. 

Try:

• Holding something cold (ice cubes, a cold drink, metal jewelry).
• Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. We call it Grounding 54321!
• Take a cold shower (or at least just splash some cold water on your face).

The goal here is to interrupt the overwhelm and give your brain a moment to reset. Think of it like turning your phone off and on again when it stops working. Sometimes that small reset can be enough to detangle your mind and start again fresh. 

The Soda Bottle Effect

Emotions don’t just come out of nowhere. You ever shaken up a soda bottle? Eventually it all bubbles up inside and sprays everywhere. And emotions are kinda the same. They build up – like pressure inside a soda bottle – until eventually, they need somewhere to go. Those emotions are gonna find a way out one way or another.

The trick, if you were wondering, is to twist the bottle cap open a little bit, and then close it again quickly. And that’s actually an ideal metaphor for having a few ideas of small things to try in your mental health toolkit. It’s not about doing one grand gesture that’s gonna stop all those bubbles. But letting it out in small little bursts. 

If you’ve been bottling emotions up, something that I like to do is: 

A physical release

Finding a safe way to let out those emotions can stop them from bubbling over. Studies suggest that engaging in physical activity (like ripping up paper, running, or hitting a cushion) can help release built-up emotional tension in a non-harmful way (Harvard Health). Try:

• Tearing up paper or scribbling furiously on a page.
• Screaming into a pillow.
• Doing something active. Punching a cushion, running, dancing, kickboxing, whatever works.

The key is to let the emotions out without hurting yourself.

Figuring Out What Your Emotions Are Actually Trying to Tell You

Believe it or not, emotions aren’t the enemy. They’re messages from your brain trying to tell you something. If you’re overwhelmed, it might mean:

• You’re dealing with too much and need a break.
• Something in your life isn’t working for you.
• You need support, but don’t know how to ask for it.

So if you feel this way, something that might help is:

Putting your emotions into words

You don’t have to have the perfect words. Just start somewhere. Expressive writing has been shown to help people process emotions and reduce distress. You could try:

• Writing down random thoughts (don’t worry about it making sense; this is just for you to get stuff out of your head!).
• Recording a voice note to yourself.
• Finding a song or poem that expresses how you feel. I’m a big believer that a lot of the time, someone else can say it better than me.

Getting things out of your head and onto a page in front of you can make it a little easier to help make sense of what’s going on, and what those emotions might be trying to tell you. And then you can start to put things in place to deal with the root cause.

A Final Thought:

Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human. And humans aren’t meant to handle everything alone.

The next time emotions feel too big to deal with, try one of these strategies. Even if it doesn’t work perfectly at first, keep trying. Over time, you can build up ways to cope that don’t leave you feeling worse.

And if you need support, you don’t have to do this alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. 💙 Check out our helplines page if you feel like you don’t have someone to talk to right now.

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