An Open Letter To Myself

You smashed your A-levels, your Summer was a blast, and now you’ve finally got there! What you’ve been gearing up for with the last 18 years of education and learning: that gleaming beacon of hope, that fount of knowledge: University!

But it hasn’t exactly gone to plan. And you don’t know whether you like it or not. Freshers was difficult and awkward. From the girl that moved in next door to you in halls who sneaked in her cat (but wont let you hang out with her or the cat!) to the small fortune you’ve spent on books (literally half your student loan!) or the fact that every Fresher’s Event you’ve left early, sober and dejected. Probably wearing some dumb fancy dress costume after standing awkwardly by the bar all night looking for a glimmer of recognition in people’s faces whilst people spill cider and black on your new shoes (that cost the other half of your student loan).

So perhaps things aren’t living up to the hype and you’re not sure what fresher’s flu is but you definitely have fresher’s blues. I want to tell you that it will get better. Just hang in there. The thing is not to worry. But that’s easier said than done, I know. University is a totally different experience to anything you’ve done before and it will take some getting used to. Even when you hit your second and third year- these will be different times too so expect the unexpected and you’ll be somewhat more prepared!

You’ve been here a few weeks and you’ve been so busy partying, finding your lecture halls, checking out the library and the SU, maybe even joining some societies and making new friends. When the hubbub dies down and you get into a routine, you find yourself lost and struggling to truly settle in. I know you’re panicking that everyone seems to have got into these intense cliques and you feel left out or like you haven’t made a best friend yet who can prop you up, or a gang of buddies who think you’re brilliant (because frankly your friends in school were all a bit daft and you were looking forward to meeting new people who “got” you). But I think you’re brilliant and I guarantee people you meet over the next three years will think so too, maybe not everyone you meet, but definitely a good few likeminded individuals and you will make friends for life.

The most important advice I can give you here is to do things on your own terms and do what YOU want to do. Spend your days doing things you need to do rather than worrying that you’re missing out on something or some ‘cool’ party. It’s probably not that cool. There’s also nothing wrong with going home every weekend either. You miss Mum and Dad and that’s totally fine. You haven’t failed; you’ve just done what’s best for you!

You say you’re not engaging with your course or “I don’t know why I picked it!“ Or that some lecturer has it in for you or is kind of crazy. You have a mental amount of homework each week and the essays are long, complex and frequently drive you to tears. I feel for you because everyone goes through this. It’s hard to narrow down your life choices and job prospects by picking one subject to study that’s supposed to define who you are and who you will become! In reality, it’s not like that and remember you can always change your mind and transfer in your first year to a different course. You just have to ask the uni to see if its possible. The only advice I can offer for not understanding your course or feeling like it’s over your head is to plan, prepare, and do the readings. And basically, always ask for help if you are unsure. That’s what your tutors and lecturers are there for. Use them.

I also want to suggest to you getting into a work play routine. Find that balance early on so that you avoid working yourself into the ground every month 3 days before you have 4 deadlines. Try and get up in the mornings (I know, sunlight right?!). Plan your work schedule and allow yourself breaks. Separate work time in the library, from me time at home. It will help make it easier to focus on work and establish that routine. Write your essays in different chunks. Set aside time to do the reading, and then do 1000 words a week. That gives you plenty of time to go over it – make sure you’re happy with what you’ve got so far, and check with others in your class or lecturers that you’re on the right path. If you lack motivation or are struggling with the workload, don’t sit in silence, speak to people and ask for any help you need. I don’t think I can stress this enough. Most importantly, relax. If you want a good balance between your studies and part time work or partying then planning is key and if you have studying to do- just get up and do it, That is your priority the next 3 years.

Money. For me literally the hardest thing to manage at Uni. I like to start each term with figuring out how much money I’ll get from my student loan and calculating how much I have per week each term. Then sticking to that spending limit is the real challenge. And of course you won’t…. It. Is. Haaaard!! Overdrafts, credit cards and loans are just going to come back to bite you in the bum. Plan a dorky little budget sheet so you can keep track of your necessities (books, rent, bills, food, travel to uni if you aren’t lucky enough to live in walking distance) and your fun money as I call it (money for drinking, new clothes, gig tickets, DVDs and extravagancies). If you over spend one week, tighten up and underspend the next. One trick I picked up as I noticed most of my extra naughty spending was on nights out when I’ve had a few too many cocktails and I start offering to buy entire bars rounds of jaeger bombs, was to leave my card at home on nights out – and each week withdraw out only what my budget would allow so I had that in my room or my wallet for that week and couldn’t spend over.

Generally feeling lonely breaks my heart because I don’t want that for you. Missing your family and friends and even the cats at home can really get you down. Having a cry in your room is totally fine and everyone feels like they want to go home and drop out at least once a term. Generally the next day you will feel fine though. Just let yourself be upset, talk on the phone to friends or family or go out and see people. Just remind yourself of all the good stuff you have going on and the possibilities of the next few years. If something isn’t working, then make a change. If you’re tired or feeling run down then it’s totally ok to miss a heavy night of partying. It’s ok to not get on with everyone in your accommodation, it’s not the end of the world and next year you can choose who you live with! Also remember it’s never too late to make friends! Talk to everyone! You may never know who will come into your life. Smile, make small talk, be brave.

If you’re homesick – go home, make phone calls, skype. Do what you have to do. You are not an iron fortress and its ok to be sad and miss people.

If things stay bad, or you feel like you can’t cope- remember that every University has excellent resources such as counselling services, trained and professional therapists, and even things like a hardship fund at financial services for students struggling with money issues. The counselling and therapy services will listen to you, decide how best to help you, and make sure you’re happy with your level and type of support. Out in the ‘Real World’ it can be really hard to access free counselling so this is a perfect time to get the support you might need. Whether it’s help with a serious ongoing mental health problem or just a fine tuning of your outlook on life or even just to learn some stress management techniques, these services can really be a port in a storm. Don’t be embarrassed or shy about asking for help with any issues. This is what they are there for – to support and assist you so that your head and body are in a good place, enabling you to study.

With all this in mind – you got this! Take the next three years by storm and appreciate the fantastic opportunity you have to make friends, educate yourself, improve your skill set and prepare yourself for life in the great unknown!

– Si