Alone In A Crowd

Get up and get down and get outside.– Frank Turner

This month we’re particularly looking at coping in a new situation. Now, in general, that’s been about uni life. But actually, a lot of the issues and difficulties you’re going to face as a student, are applicable to other areas of life too (just maybe with less beer pong and mouldy houses).

We did a survey of people’s experiences while they were at uni/college, so that we could base our content on real life situations and advice. The issue that a large number of people had struggled with was meeting new people, socialising, and fitting in. This obviously applies to situations that aren’t just university.

It’s really really easy to worry about what other people might think of you, or not want to go speak to someone cuz you’re afraid of what their reaction might be. Personally, I’ve always assumed that I’m just some dork that no-one really wants to be seen with; that everyone else is cooler than me, and it’d be an embarrassment to be seen out with me. Definitely a result of not having the best time at school.

But you know what the best lesson I’ve learnt is? I am the way I am, and that’s just fine. All of my little idiosyncrasies, including my flaws, are what make me me, and the people worth my time are the people who don’t just put up with them, but actually love me for them. If people are shallow enough to judge me because of the way that I look, or talk, or some of the dumb things that I do, then chances are they’re not worth my time. That sounds like a bit of a Mumsy thing to say, and maybe you need to actually reach that realisation for yourself for it to make sense, but hey, it’s true.

People are gonna like you and care about you for who you are, so be yourself. Don’t try and play up to an idea of what you think people want you to be. It gets exhausting, and you can end up feeling way too lost in it all.

The truth is, in this age of “social” media, we’re kind of becoming less social. I’m not going to get on some high horse about everyone always being on their phones or whatever, but the truth is, a lot of us are socialising more through the internet than in real life now. And that makes it harder to actually go out there and start talking with people in real life when you have to – like when you move into halls with a bunch of strangers, and have to just kind of… get on with it. But it could be more than that: it could be you needing to actually reach out and ask for help, and that shouldn’t be as hard as most of us find it.

Don’t get me wrong, social media is cool – I’ve managed to keep up with old friends in America, and see my baby niece growing up – but it can actually be really isolating. We spend so much time building a version of ourselves online that we end up neglecting other stuff that’s actually happening around us.

Not to mention the fact that I can’t help but feel like my day’s been wasted when all I’ve done is aimlessly scroll up and down my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter feeds, waiting for someone to post a new Buzzfeed article or something.

Heads Above The Waves isn’t just all about friends, but there are always people around you, who will actually give a damn and listen to you. But equally, sometimes it feels like there aren’t people around who care, and it’s okay to feel like that, too. Just don’t make it harder on yourself by convincing yourself that everyone else is having such an amazing time based on their social media activity. (Here’s a lil secret: the people who are having the REALLY awesome adventures are the ones too busy having awesome adventures to keep putting it on Facebook).

Even when you’re in a crowd of people (in fact, especially when you’re in a crowd of people) it’s really easy to feel isolated and alone. Overwhelmed by all the people around you, wondering how on earth do you fit in to the scheme of things, you can end up feeling like you simply don’t belong, especially when everyone else seems to be functioning “normally” with all their socialising. The weird part is: most of the people that you’re looking at, who seem to have everything together and sorted, are probably feeling just the same as you.They’re either better at hiding it, or they’re doing something about it.

One good way of practically doing something about feeling alone is finding people who you share interests with. For me, finding those people sometimes took a bit of fate (getting lost together looking for the entrance to a gig), a bit of courage (just going over and saying “Hi. I see you in here all the time, and we’re always singing along to the same songs, so I figure we’d get on”) and a whole heap of false starts. But just getting out and doing somethingwas the key to it all.  

A bunch of the people we surveyed recommended getting involved with societies in uni. Especially early on in uni life, it’s a way to find likeminded people, and, chances are, they’ll be there to meet other people too. Do it for yourself, not anyone else.  

Even when it feels like it: you’re not alone. I promise. There are people who’ve been through the same as you, and come out the other side.

– Si