5 Ways to Manage Social Anxiety

D’you ever feel your heart race, palms sweat, or mind blank when you walk into a room full of people?  You’re not alone. Social anxiety (sometimes called social phobia) is an intense fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations. It can affect people in different ways and different situations. Around 1 in 10 people experience social anxiety at some point, and it hits teens and young adults hardest  .

The good news: social anxiety is absolutely something you can take control of. Today, I’m gonna give you five research-backed strategies you can start using, to dial the fear down and manage that social anxiety so it doesn’t take over your life. Let’s dive in!

1. Spot Your Triggers and Name the Fear

Social anxiety isn’t random. It usually flares in specific situations (so maybe that’s: giving a presentation, meeting new people, eating in public). So use one of the techniques we introduce in our school workshops! Keep a journal of when you notice yourself feeling socially anxious. Try spending a week noting when and where the nerves spike and what you’re telling yourself in that moment (E.g. “Everyone will think I’m stupid”) It’s also useful to note how it feels in your body, so you can keep an eye out for the physical reactions in your body.

Being able to spot a pattern in where/when you feel triggered is the first step in being able to manage it. So after your week of writing everything down, go back and look for patterns. Maybe there’s specific places, or times. And actually calling out what you’re telling yourself can help give you some perspective on it. At the very least, it takes it from some big ominous mystery into something that you can work on. Knowing what you’re up against is half the battle.

Quick win: keep a note in your Notes app along the lines of:

(You can also use the Triggers Diary sheet that we use in our workshops if you prefer some old school pen & paper!)

2. Rewire Your Thoughts with CBT Tools

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is the gold-standard treatment for social anxiety. Like years and years of research backs this up. Whether you’ve tried CBT before, or this is your first time hearing about it, here are 2 super simple elements of CBT that you can try to get you going:

• Cognitive restructuring – grab onto one anxious thought (so let’s say: “I’ll mess up and everyone will laugh”) and challenge it! What’s the evidence for that? How many times has it actually happened? Often, these anxious thoughts can’t stack up against the cold hard facts of reality.
• Behavioural experiments – test predictions in real life (e.g., ask a harmless question in class and record what really happens). This can be really hard or scary to do, but starting small, and noting how it goes is a great first step to taking on bigger challenges.

Doing these mini-experiments trains your brain to collect facts, not the worst-case scenarios that our brains love to jump to.

3. Face the Fear Gradually (a.k.a. Exposure)

Avoidance keeps social anxiety alive. And look, I get it. If something’s scary, it makes loads of sense to want to avoid it. But controlled, small step by small step exposure is the antidote. Start small (just say hi to the person in the shop). It might be hard the first time. Or even the first couple of times. But then repeat it until the anxiety drops. Keep on saying hi. That’s all you need to do. Then you can start to level up. Maybe ask how their day’s going. And repeat that. This is one of the most effective ways to tackle social anxiety.

And the neat thing is: every time you dip a toe outside of your comfort zone, your comfort zone grows. And all of those small steps of growth stack up over time.

4. Calm Your Body First: Breathing & Grounding

If we wanna calm down our anxious brains, we’ve also gotta calm down our anxious bodies. Slow, deep breathing sends a “stand-down” signal to your nervous system. (Which basically means: taking slow deep breaths tells your body that you’re safe, and it doesn’t need to be on high alert). Heaps of research shows paced breathing (especially 6–10 breaths per minute) drops cortisol (thestress hormone) and reduces anxiety. Almost seems *too* simple, doesn’t it? But it really works! Here’s something I’m using right now:

Box breathing (4-4-4-4)

1. Inhale 4 counts
2. Hold 4
3. Exhale 4
4. Hold 4 – repeat for one minute.

If you’re the visual type, this lil looping video we made on our TikTok might help ya!

You could even pair this with a classic technique: Grounding 5-4-3-2-1, if your mind starts racing. I love both of these techniques because they’re the sort of thing you can just do on your own. Like, no-one else has to know that you’re doing them.

5. Grow Self-Compassion and Find Support

People with higher self-compassion (which is: treating yourself the way you’d treat a friend) show lower social anxiety and bounce back faster after challenging situations. Here’s something simple to help make you a bit more self-compassionate: When you catch yourself saying mean stuff to yourself, swap it out for something a little more kind. Remember, talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend. Would you tell your friend they’re an idiot and need to get over it? No. You’d be understanding, and remind them that they’re trying their best. So do that for yourself too! It might sound like a tiny change; but the research says it works.

And here’s a reminder: you’re not in this alone. You don’t have to tackle social anxiety solo. There are online support groups, you can speak to friends you trust, or get yourself some therapy (dang, *everyone* should have therapy). There’s also an added bonus effect that helping others helps make you feel better, too! So legit. Find your people, and build a community who look out for each other.

TL;DR – Key Takeaways

• Track triggers – noticing patterns is the first step to being able to manage it.
• Use CBT – question your anxious thoughts & run safe “experiments.”
• Do gradual exposure – small, repeated steps stack up.
• Regulate your body – slow breathing & grounding calm your body, which calms your brain.
• Practice self-compassion & seek support – kindness to yourself makes a difference, and you’re not alone.

Social anxiety isn’t a life sentence. With consistent practice (and, if you can, professional guidance), you can retrain your brain, and actually enjoy social moments! It’s not always easy, but oh baby, it’s worth it.

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