Helpful & Unhelpful Reactions

It’s hard to know how to react when someone tells you they’re self-harming. Here’s a few ways that you could respond, to help them:

• “I want to help you”
• “I believe your pain when you tell me; you don’t need to hurt yourself to show it”
• “I understand that you want to hurt yourself, but why not try something else instead?”
• Be nice, sympathetic, offer a hug (if acceptable!)
• Help them to find support projects, phone numbers, if they give permission to do so
• Make time to listen to them, let them know “you’re not wasting my time”
• Ask how you can help – what THEY want you to do for them
• Acknowledge that self-harm is serving a need for that person
• Respect their choice to carry on harming, however hard that is. They can’t be made to stop, and it won’t happen until they’re ready.
• Focus on the issues behind the harming, not the harming itself
• Seek further help when necessary, but be honest about it – let them know what you’re doing
• Have an overnight bag of stuff ready, in case they should ever end up in A&E

Here’s a few UNhelpful (though probably natural) responses to try and avoid:

• Laughing at it, or calling it stupid
• Shouting
• “You’re wasting my time”
• “Get over it”
• Blaming yourself
• “Don’t you know you’re hurting ME?”
• Forcing someone to talk about it, or show it
• “You don’t WANT to self-harm”
• Removing all sharp/dangerous objects
• “You’re ruining your body”
• Forcing them to make promises
• Giving up on them
• “You’re not helping yourself”
• “Smile”